trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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