nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
