fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
