I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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