in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
