when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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