Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
