Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The Olympian is in my bed
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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