He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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