I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
