GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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