I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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