small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
