I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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