His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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