I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
