umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
