I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
did i walk over a car last night?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
