I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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