I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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