How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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