We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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