I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
