i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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