Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
