I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Randomize
