i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
