The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
