Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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