i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
