then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
