Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
