I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
