He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
