so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Even my vagina gasped.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
