i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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