Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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