I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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