brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I see more hoeing in ur future
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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