Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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