I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
