her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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