Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
