i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
