So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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