are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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