he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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