FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
