Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
