he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
