Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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